my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
