Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you win again, gameday.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
