Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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