Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
