like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
