Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
