If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
