Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
