That's intense
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
