The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
