if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
