you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
