direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Randomize
