We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
