It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
