i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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