if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize