ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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