why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
