Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
