you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
