my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
