Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
