My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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