Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
