Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
