There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
babies were throwing up all over the place
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
