I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We are two peas in an std pod
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
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