First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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