Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
