I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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