I wish I only lived at night.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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