the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
