there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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