I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
