he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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