I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
