Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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