dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
