May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
