im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
