you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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