my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
