Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
