I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
