I never want to see another naked old woman again.
zippers are such a cool invention
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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