And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's never too late to be topless.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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