fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just pee around me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
