if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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