fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
