I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
