toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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