she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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