A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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