Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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