If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
