I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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