Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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