so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
