This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
