he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
